“Can we talk about this sex party we’re going to in a couple of weeks?” I said to my partner. “I’m kind of anxious about some things.”
My anxiety spanned a whole range of things. I could feel them scampering about in my brain like prickly little beetles:
how I might feel, all the possible reactions I might have to untold scenarios involving people we haven’t met yet,
imaginary disasters, like coming on my period suddenly or overdosing on a random dose of a drug I wasn’t even going to plan on taking.
Awkward moments. Flip outs, panic attacks, trauma triggers. Seeing an ex. Being left alone.
My partner stopped me.
“I feel like this always happens before a party. You always want to talk about everything that could go wrong. It makes me so anxious I don’t want to go… To be honest, it kind of ruins it for me a bit.”
I stared at him, a bit crestfallen. He doesn’t want to listen to my anxieties?
January has been a good month with lots to appreciate… except for, there’s been very little sex and no kink! February started with me changing that story. Here’s how that happened.
January saw me going on several beautiful walks in the countryside with good friends; some really lovely dates and evenings in with my partner; a nice session with my other partner at his place.
The first few weeks of my new job feel like they went …OK? I think. I concentrated really hard on taking it slowly and consciously and not allowing myself to run off in all directions or cave to outside pressure to DO STUFF before planning it. I think that paid off, as I now feel pretty calm and in control of what’s quite a difficult programme of work. Continue reading “Ah, there it is. My kinky side.”
Something I’m brooding on this week. Would welcome advice!
We’ve been good friends for about six years, and I’ve always had some sort of crush on her. I’m confused, scared of ruining our friendship. Should I tell her I’m interested?
Here’s a selection of facts in no particular order:
Once, maybe five years ago, she and I were drunk and thought it’d be a good idea to have a threesome with her (then) boyfriend, but he passed out. So I left them alone to sleep, and I went home. At some point in the night, she texted me to say, ‘Next time, let’s just do it without him.’ I was too scared and inexperienced to do anything except respond non-committally (I don’t remember what I said but it was probably dumb). We stayed friends and have just joked about our ‘nearly threesome’ since without really ever discussing it more deeply.