Ah, there it is. My kinky side.

January has been a good month with lots to appreciate… except for, there’s been very little sex and no kink! February started with me changing that story. Here’s how that happened.

January saw me going on several beautiful walks in the countryside with good friends; some really lovely dates and evenings in with my partner; a nice session with my other partner at his place.

The first few weeks of my new job feel like they went …OK? I think. I concentrated really hard on taking it slowly and consciously and not allowing myself to run off in all directions or cave to outside pressure to DO STUFF before planning it. I think that paid off, as I now feel pretty calm and in control of what’s quite a difficult programme of work. Continue reading “Ah, there it is. My kinky side.”

I’m attracted to my friend. Should I tell her?

Something I’m brooding on this week. Would welcome advice!

We’ve been good friends for about six years, and I’ve always had some sort of crush on her. I’m confused, scared of ruining our friendship. Should I tell her I’m interested? 

Two women's feet in the grass
Image from Pixabay

Here’s a selection of facts in no particular order:

  • Once, maybe five years ago, she and I were drunk and thought it’d be a good idea to have a threesome with her (then) boyfriend, but he passed out. So I left them alone to sleep, and I went home. At some point in the night, she texted me to say, ‘Next time, let’s just do it without him.’ I was too scared and inexperienced to do anything except respond non-committally (I don’t remember what I said but it was probably dumb). We stayed friends and have just joked about our ‘nearly threesome’ since without really ever discussing it more deeply.
  • Continue reading “I’m attracted to my friend. Should I tell her?”

My most valuable submissive experience (and one of my biggest mistakes)

Jack and I still talk about the first time we tried a BDSM scene together. How badly it went, and what we both learned from it.

It was a turning point in the process of working out what kind of a submissive I really was, and how to communicate that to lovers.

(It kind of follows on from the post I did on becoming a submissive, but is also kind of its own story, so I haven’t called it Part 2- that’s coming real soon!) Continue reading “My most valuable submissive experience (and one of my biggest mistakes)”

A belated sexual awakening

Most films or books involving a ‘sexual awakening’ seem to focus on teenagers. Dewy eyed and fresh-faced as they enter the world of sex, excited at all that the world has to offer.

My sexual awakening was somewhat delayed. I didn’t wake up for AGES. I was sexually dozing, in fact. This is a story about how I eventually got there.

Going into my late teens, when I began having sexual relationships with men, I thought my options were as follows:

a) find a kind, caring man and have nice sex with him. (This option would qualify me for love.)

b) find a nasty (but sexy) man and do whatever he wanted in bed, whether I liked it or not. (This option would be automatic disqualification from love.)

I chose a.

Well, chose might not be the word; probably ‘stumbled into’ is a better description. Continue reading “A belated sexual awakening”

Moving away from monogamy

People often ask me: how did you and your partner open up and move away from monogamy? How did you guys decide to be polyamorous? (Actually we prefer ‘ethical non-monogamy’, though we’re a bit fluid about labels these days.)

The question is often in the context of an online dating conversation, or first date. They’re trying to gauge exactly how my relationship works, and where I might fit into their life.

I thought I’d get the answer out of the way in an early blog post, which then turned into two.

The answer is, my partner and I didn’t ‘open up’. At least, not really. First, I decided monogamy wasn’t for me.  (That’s this blog). Then I found someone who wanted non-monogamy. (That’s the next blog).

Moving away from monogamy is scary.

I know some couples who have been married for years and then decided to take the step together to begin sleeping with, or dating, other people.  I think that is brave, and I’ve never had the guts to do it.

In my experience, starting that conversation with someone you’ve been in a monogamous relationship with for years is a terrifying thought.

Continue reading “Moving away from monogamy”