For me, kink and sex are like ice cream and coffee

Ok, let me explain.

I need to go back to the first time I visited a BDSM club.

I was standing, with my jaw tense, in a tight black dress with open side panels and clumpy patent leather boots. Grasping a drink tightly, in slightly sweaty hands.

It was my first time in a BDSM club, and I had had my eyes opened WIDE already in the first ten minutes …watching people arrive in the most eye-popping outfits, from baby-clothes to gimp masks. I was excited, and full of anticipation.

Continue reading “For me, kink and sex are like ice cream and coffee”

Am I the only one who gets horny when I’m sick?

I don’t mean…when I have glandular fever or monovirus or food poisoning or something, obviously.

Just, like, the way I am now, with a cold that has laid me on the couch for the last 24 hours, stuffed up and fatigued with a fuzzy head and – OK, I know- a lot of snot.

Slightly ill. Not proper sick.

It’s definitely not stopping me feeling horny. Which is weird- you’d think that your body would shut that down so you can concentrate on getting better. Continue reading “Am I the only one who gets horny when I’m sick?”

My submissive identity (Part 2: My path into submission)

What kind of a submissive am I?

No two submissives are alike. Every sub needs to define her own path.

As I wrote in part 1 ‘My path into being a submissive’, it took me quite a while to learn enough about the world of kink to begin defining my own BDSM role. I still feel I have a lot to learn. I’ve been on this journey only a few years.

And I think my tastes are, also, constantly evolving as I enter into new play relationships and try new things, with new people and in new environments.

For the moment, here is what I know about my submissive identity, the kinks I have and how I like to play. Continue reading “My submissive identity (Part 2: My path into submission)”

11 things I do to feel sexy again when my desire has gone

My friend said to me the other day: “I just haven’t felt sexy. For ages. I don’t even think about sex. How do I feel sexy again?”

I 100% know that feeling.

Sometimes I wake up in the morning, shrugging off my partner’s warm hand on my back, heading to the shower without a backward glance. His touch, normally something I sink into with pleasure, just feels… irritating to me. Extraneous.

And then, I realise that it’s been …a week or so since I had sex.  Or even wanted to have sex.

Maybe even a couple of weeks, if things have gotten quite bad and I haven’t noticed. It’s like sex has just stopped existing for me. (The worst dip, for me, was three months not wanting sex. That was a bad time.) Continue reading “11 things I do to feel sexy again when my desire has gone”

My path into being a submissive, Part 1: How NOT to find a Dominant

This is Part 1 of a short series all about how I became a submissive  and began exploring kink and BDSM. I’ll put Part 2 up soon.

I still remember the exact day I first decided to enter the world of BDSM.

(You’ll be pleased to know, it has nothing to do with Fifty Shades of Grey).

I had just decided to end things with a man I had been dating. He was attractive to me- sexually. But he was also a bit controlling, and a bit careless.

His classic move was to cancel dates at the last minute, after I had kept my diary clear for him. And then be incredibly unapologetic about it, as if I didn’t matter that much anyway. Continue reading “My path into being a submissive, Part 1: How NOT to find a Dominant”