“Can we talk about this sex party we’re going to in a couple of weeks?” I said to my partner. “I’m kind of anxious about some things.”
My anxiety spanned a whole range of things. I could feel them scampering about in my brain like prickly little beetles:
how I might feel, all the possible reactions I might have to untold scenarios involving people we haven’t met yet,
imaginary disasters, like coming on my period suddenly or overdosing on a random dose of a drug I wasn’t even going to plan on taking.
Awkward moments. Flip outs, panic attacks, trauma triggers. Seeing an ex. Being left alone.
My partner stopped me.
“I feel like this always happens before a party. You always want to talk about everything that could go wrong. It makes me so anxious I don’t want to go… To be honest, it kind of ruins it for me a bit.”
I stared at him, a bit crestfallen. He doesn’t want to listen to my anxieties?
Here are some vague goals I’m developing around sex, kink and polyamory for 2019. After a pretty intense year in 2018, and what with starting a new full-time job this year, I probably need to expect a bit less of myself in 2019, and just aim for goals that are relatively achievable!