A reflection: ten things I am proud of in 2018 around sex, kink, polyamory

Happy new year, everyone.

Sorry for the lateness of this reflection post, I know you’re supposed to do them in December. Well, I guess I’m not sorry. Just acknowledging that it’s late!

I have spent the Christmas season pretty unplugged, trying to stay off social media. Connecting with my friends and my loved ones, as best I can, while trying not to get sucked in too much to the whirlpool of parties and drinking. Continue reading “A reflection: ten things I am proud of in 2018 around sex, kink, polyamory”

My experience trying out a tantra workshop: Weird and wonderful!

This week, I attended an introductory, experiential workshop on tantra. Here’s what we did during the tantra workshop, and what I learned from it.

Firstly, what is tantra?

For those who think tantra is all about sex, you might be surprised to find out that sex is just one element of tantra- it’s much bigger than that. (I was!)

I’m a total novice, so I won’t attempt to explain tantra in my own words. But to help my readers, here’s a couple of  definitions of tantra (taken from this website): Continue reading “My experience trying out a tantra workshop: Weird and wonderful!”

I’m trying to quit my vibrator. But today, I stumbled.

In the quest to give up my vibrator, I need to report a small setback…

This morning, before work, I woke up with about 30 minutes to spare before I had to start my yoga session, if I was going to be at work on time. (I try to do yoga every morning- I succeed only on the days I’ve had enough sleep).

Lying in bed, alone because Jack is away for a couple of days, I picked up my phone. Put it down. Hmmm. I felt slightly…restless. Continue reading “I’m trying to quit my vibrator. But today, I stumbled.”

What I’ve learned from going to sex parties Part 2: Look for social connections, not sex

Social anxiety at sex parties is a thing for me.

I’m almost more nervous about the socialising at sex parties, than I am about the potential public sex.

And especially …I’m nervous about how the hell I am supposed to get from the former, to the latter.

Before my first sex party, I was so focused on the expectations I had around sex (discussed in part 1 of this series) that it never even occurred to me that social anxiety would be a problem.

When I walked in the door, it hit me:

This is a whole group of people that I don’t know.

And if I want to actually have sex with some of them, I have to talk to them. Fuuuuuuck. Continue reading “What I’ve learned from going to sex parties Part 2: Look for social connections, not sex”

What I’ve learned from going to sex parties Part 1: Shed expectations

What I’ve learned from going to sex parties… is a surprising amount. At the same time, they are everything I hoped they would be, and absolutely nothing like I thought they would be.

I haven’t been to that many sex parties, sexuality festivals, and BDSM play events- maybe less than twenty- but I’ve thought a lot about the ones I have been to. (Side note: I’m using the catch-all term ‘sex parties’ for events ranging from BDSM play events to sexuality festivals to private play parties. Basically, any public play setting, where I might expect to do intimate things in front of others, that I might previously have only done in the privacy of a bedroom.)

When I was preparing to go to sex parties for the first time, I found it really difficult to find any practical information about how to approach them as a couple, or as an individual. I Googled a lot. I didn’t find much of what I wanted to know, which was how to BE at a sex party. Just…how I could be comfortable, and enjoy it. Continue reading “What I’ve learned from going to sex parties Part 1: Shed expectations”