Moving away from monogamy

People often ask me: how did you and your partner open up and move away from monogamy? How did you guys decide to be polyamorous? (Actually we prefer ‘ethical non-monogamy’, though we’re a bit fluid about labels these days.)

The question is often in the context of an online dating conversation, or first date. They’re trying to gauge exactly how my relationship works, and where I might fit into their life.

I thought I’d get the answer out of the way in an early blog post, which then turned into two.

The answer is, my partner and I didn’t ‘open up’. At least, not really. First, I decided monogamy wasn’t for me.  (That’s this blog). Then I found someone who wanted non-monogamy. (That’s the next blog).

Moving away from monogamy is scary.

I know some couples who have been married for years and then decided to take the step together to begin sleeping with, or dating, other people.  I think that is brave, and I’ve never had the guts to do it.

In my experience, starting that conversation with someone you’ve been in a monogamous relationship with for years is a terrifying thought.

Continue reading “Moving away from monogamy”

What I didn’t know about sex as a teenager

I knew nothing about pleasure, or what women think and feel about sex, as a teenager growing up in the 90s, in a dry, dusty town.

Sex education at my high school was clinical and dry. It focused on how not to get pregnant, or catch a disease. There was very little education on how to conduct yourself in a relationship. None at all about the spectrum of sexual tastes, interests, desires and orientations. And especially, nothing that would relate to what women think and feel about sex. Continue reading “What I didn’t know about sex as a teenager”

My first blog post: Tackling my fear of writing about sex with curiosity

Hello, everyone.

I hesitated a while before launching this blog. I have a lot of self-doubt, and a big fear of writing about sex. Maybe nobody will want to listen to me; maybe I have nothing of interest to say.

And then I realised how much my fears about putting the first blog out there, correspond with how I feel about sex, and sexuality, and sex-positivity, and kink/BDSM, and play parties, and poly/open relationships, and the whole colourful circus that I’m dabbling in. Continue reading “My first blog post: Tackling my fear of writing about sex with curiosity”