Happy new year, everyone.
Sorry for the lateness of this reflection post, I know you’re supposed to do them in December. Well, I guess I’m not sorry. Just acknowledging that it’s late!
I have spent the Christmas season pretty unplugged, trying to stay off social media. Connecting with my friends and my loved ones, as best I can, while trying not to get sucked in too much to the whirlpool of parties and drinking.
I shared, in a previous post, how I was looking forward to being somewhat detached from my family around Christmas. When the day arrived, yes, I did enjoy the space; but there was certainly more silence than usual. I then spent New Year’s by the coast, with friends, doing a lot of walking and wholesome eating, even some meditation, which felt pretty cleansing but also quite different than the normal boozy NYE.
Holidays are a strange time, aren’t they.
My mood tends to swing from melancholy to delighted, hour by hour. I get moments of intense sadness. I don’t know if everyone else feels that way or if it’s just me?
Anyway. With all this alone time, I had quite a bit of space for reflection. I did a lot of thinking about the crazy year that’s just come to an end.
So, here’s my list.
10 things I am proud of this year
(on topics relevant to this blog, that is-sexuality, polyamory and kink):
- Jack and I did the hard work to deepen our anchor relationship and define our approach to polyamory. There were of course plenty of ups and downs as we became involved with other people. I feel like we’ve really grown individually and together, and become much more mature in how we ‘do poly’. Lots of hard lessons learned, but we’re stronger for it.
- I extricated myself gracefully from a local kink group that was populated with people I didn’t like much. Some I actively disliked, some I just didn’t click with. I think when I was younger, I would have poured energy into making the group work, just out of a sense of social obligation. Even when the relationships and chemistry clearly wasn’t right. But on this occasion, I just firmly and politely made my exit. The relief of not having to engage with those people anymore is huge, and we (Jack and I) are building connections with new kinky people who I chime with much better.
- I attended a few sex parties, and one sex positive three-day festival, which blew my mind! This required me to grapple with some blockages, including anxiety and fear, and work to become more comfortable in these spaces. I feel so much better able to handle myself at a sex party now, so I want to recognise my own progress. And I’m looking forward to more parties in 2019! Posts on my experiences at sex parties here and here.
I’ve affirmed, acted and clarified my identity as a pan-sexual person, after a few years of only sleeping with cis men.
- I’ve (kindly but firmly) stopped seeing/dating people who I knew wouldn’t be good for me. This includes people with the potential to be emotionally draining/demanding/selfish; people who displayed behaviour that I don’t enjoy (such as flaking on dates or communicating badly); or who were doing poly in a way that doesn’t suit me. It feels like I am handling relationships in a more adult way now.
- I’ve done a lot of work to deepen my understanding of my orgasm and my own sexuality and desire, including a spell quitting my vibrator. Now I feel like I ‘get’ how I come, a lot more, though I still have a lot of work to do in 2019.
- I’ve begun running a women’s circle focusing on sexuality and relationships which I absolutely love. I feel like I am helping the members to become more attuned to themselves and more satisfied. This includes taking them all to a tantra workshop! I’m really looking forward to this group in 2019.
- Kinkwise, Jack and I have done plenty of play and discussion, and now I’ve got a much better understanding of who I am as a submissive. (Also see here: My path into submission, part 1.)
- I supported my partner to have some good experiences dating others, including having an encounter with another man, which he found really fulfilling- and I was so pleased for him. (I’ve not always been a perfect partner- have definitely had some poly wobbles and have more work to do to develop my sense of compersion-a 2019 objective.)
- I had an MFF threesome, hell yeah.
What are you most proud of in 2018? I’d love to hear in the comments!